Lovers and mistresses

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

(continued, beginning)

“Nothing new will happen in your life if you don’t end the old”, - I always tell my friend Alenka, who refuses to go to a bar with our mutual acquaintances in the evening. "Suddenly Sanka has an extra hour for me, and I'm with you …" - the girl rejects and once again dooms herself to a boring evening in the company of two phones - a mobile home. And her beloved Sasha (for everyone else - Alexander Sergeevich, perhaps not Pushkin) at this time is thinking at home, how to sneak away from his wife in order to go to his mistress?

The namesake of the great poet is 39 years old, he is a gold piece older than Alena, works as the head of a large enterprise. He is entitled to a mistress according to the state. It is in his staff that Alyonushka, burdened with two higher educations, long legs, a beautiful face and a chiseled figure, is listed as a deputy head.

It is almost impossible to pass by such a girl, we, her friends, always envied her, that wherever she appeared, there were always admirers of her beauty. She was always taken home, and we got there with our feet, and not always in a campaign with a guide. In her apartment, bouquets of flowers did not fade, she received more gifts for March 8 and valentines on Valentine's Day more than others. Men were always crowded around Alena. But she was not satisfied if anyone, she was waiting for her prince and while away the time, getting higher education, one thing, another. We jumped up to get married, many gave birth to a child, now Alenka was jealous of us, playing with someone's baby and sighing sadly: "Well, I can't hide my mind? And I don't want to communicate with a person with whom there is nothing to talk about. Why Should I waste myself on people uninteresting to me? I can't lower the bar. I can't bring myself to live with a man just because I'm in my 30's in a year …"

Alexander Sergeevich looked closely at the young girl for a long time, was surprised that beauty and intelligence were mixed in her in equal proportions (and they say that beauties are brainless?). Gradually, Alena Rostislavovna became his right hand, no negotiations took place without her (excellent knowledge of two foreign languages), foreign partners simply did not take their eyes off her, she also went on business trips with her boss. And once in Paris, after a gorgeous reception in honor of the Russian delegation, the girl became the mistress of a married man. She and her boss decided to take a walk around the French capital, having released the chauffeur. They talked a lot, laughed, sat in a cafe, drank red wine …

Their relationship has been going on for two years. Alena understands that her Sanka will never divorce his wife, that there are no prospects. She even had to change her job so that her subordinates would not suspect something was wrong. She spends all weekends and holidays in her rented apartment, stupidly looking at the TV, which works with muffled sounds - what if she does not hear the phone ring?

In such a situation, most often it is smart and beautiful girls who have approached the age of 30 or 40, and who have already been married once. The latter understand that they have little chance of getting married a second time. Then it is easier for a woman to convince herself that the man she is dating is quite a worthy candidate and that such a connection is better than nothing. If a girl is young, has never been married and wants to have a family and children, the relationship with a married man is not so attractive for her, this state of affairs is more difficult to endure. She decided on adultery only out of great love or out of despair that all good men are no longer free, and single men are not of the first grade. The girl gives herself all the feeling that has arisen, she lives by it. But one day he realizes that this cannot continue. That happiness cannot be built on someone else's misfortune. That one cannot hope for the impossible. That life is passing by, and what is happening to it now is a series of endless expectations, tears, fear of being caught off guard …

“What helps the most to part with your lover is the feeling of anger. if you stay. Then you need to give vent to your anger, because it will overwhelm you. Look at things with a sober eye and you will understand that it has become harder to stay with him than to be without him. This is Dr. Bitner's reasoning.

And what attracts husbands to the left? First of all, it is a thirst for new sexual experiences.

That is, modest and not so frequent exercises in bed with the legitimate half eventually become boring. I want some variety, but where to get it, if the spouse is not only not inclined to satisfy the fantasies of her faithful, but sometimes even refuses to go to bed! Where to go to the peasant exhausted by "fasting"? Only in the sweet embrace of a mistress. This reason is objective, and the woman should be blamed for adultery in the first place.

Often a man is looking for a mistress not for a partner in sexual games, but for a kind of "vest" in which you can cry, complain about life, about a stupid boss, and finally, his beloved. Sex is like an application here. It would seem, what is easier - to divorce your "ungrateful" wife who "does not understand" you, and even marry the "object of desire". But, firstly, not everyone is capable of such a "feat", and secondly, having married a second time, such a man will again be unhappy, because a mistress is one thing, and a wife is completely different. They say that a stamp in a passport changes a woman for the worse, from a sweet Cinderella she turns into an Old Woman Shapoklyak.

The story of my second friend is no less instructive and textbook.

Katerina got married early enough, and to a man 15 years older than her. She did not feel a big and bright feeling for her future husband, she just knew that it was easy for her with him, it was good that being married to him, she was in danger of a comfortable existence. Victor doted on his bride, idolized her and did not insist on intimacy before being stamped in his passport. Katka was a virgin. They played a gorgeous wedding, began to live happily ever after. Everything would be fine if it were not for the very sexual life that gradually began not to suit Katyusha. She, a young girl, wanted sex to happen more often than once a week, so that Vitya would experiment more, and not take her in the eternal "man on top" position, so that, after a little rest, he would want her again and again and fulfill his desires … So that they fall asleep at dawn, happy and satisfied …

She tried to create a romantic atmosphere in the apartment, she dragged her husband into the bath with her, bought all kinds of "Kamasutras", but nothing changed in their intimate life. Victor quickly got tired, he was not enough for a second intercourse.

For five years Katka hid her unfulfilled desires, during which time she managed to give birth to a son.

And now Katya has a boyfriend at work - a young interesting guy, her age. She looked closely at Oleg for a long time, stopped all his attempts to get closer, until at one corporate party, after drinking champagne, she heard: "You are an extraordinary girl. Most, very … I want you!". These words did not leave the girl's head for a long time. And one day they became close to Oleg. Then Katyushka, sniffling in my kitchen, complained that she just wanted to have sex with another man in order to experience an orgasm (she never had an orgasm with her husband), in order to feel like a woman (with Victor she always felt like wife).

For a long time Katya was overcome by pangs of conscience, she even confessed to her husband of treason. It seems like the intimate life of the spouses improved a little after this incident.

Now women are catching up with men in infidelity. One of the reasons may be that most women now work, they have to interact with men more often, and therefore they have more opportunities to engage in extramarital affairs."

Most women who have romance on the side are looking for something that their own husbands cannot give them, a special attentive attitude, for example, tenderness and communication. When women talk about their romances, they almost never emphasize the sexual side, and in reality, sex on the side can be even worse than in marriage.

But the attention, romance, a sense of their importance, which they receive from love affairs, makes them unusually attractive. Their view of things, they themselves as individuals, what they say - everything matters and is appreciated by this new man.

The only thing that seems to remain unchanged is that women tend to feel more guilty of adultery than men. For many women, the guilt feelings of knowing they have a strong sexual attraction to another man can be enough to keep things from happening. And if they have a sexual relationship, they often justify themselves by telling themselves that it is love.

"A marriage shaken by infidelity can survive, giving a couple a rare opportunity to develop and strengthen their relationship," psychologists say. In some cases, it even gets stronger. But this cannot happen overnight or even over several months. Infidelity inflicts a wound that heals slowly. It may take one to three years before the spouses have confidence that the marriage has survived.

If you want to save your marriage, here's what the experts advise:

Convince your spouse that the love affair has ended. If the cheater is able to prove that the relationship has really ended, this will be the first step towards restoring the marriage.

Give your spouse time to recover from the breakup. Remember that it is not only the cheated one who suffers in this triangle. The spouse who had an affair is also experiencing loss.

Agree to tell only the truth. Most people find it hard to bear the lies and deception that inevitably accompany infidelity. One woman recalled that when she was simply in agony and begged her husband to tell her what was happening, he looked her in the eyes and lied, assuring her that she had made it up. It was the most bitter pill she had to swallow in her entire life.

The cheated spouse has the right to ask questions; these can be extremely unpleasant questions and of a very intimate nature - and the cheating spouse must honestly answer them.

Find out the motives for cheating, even if the answer is very upsetting you. You need to know what in your marriage did not satisfy your husband and pushed him to another (or vice versa).