I advise NOT to advise

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

I have long understood that it is better to go to stores alone. Even the most beloved and kindest friends should be left at home. They are not comrades or advisers in this situation. The thing that your friend likes may not suit you at all. But, succumbing to her persuasion, you will buy something for which "the soul does not lie." Only you yourself can know and understand what suits you and what doesn't. Listen to yourself and your feelings - they will not deceive.

I have a mother-in-law. A kind-hearted person, he loves me almost like his own child, is always ready to help cope with various difficulties. As you know, every person has their own oddities, and she is no exception. During my pregnancy, she told me everything: she advised me how to behave, what to eat, how many hours a day to sleep, and how much to be in the fresh air. Since it is simply contraindicated to be nervous during pregnancy, I took everything calmly, tried not to pay attention, and when it became very tight with her, I talked to my husband, and he always answered: "Mom only wants good things. She will not advise bad things." With this I calmed myself, I thought it would pass as soon as I gave birth to a healthy baby.

Gave birth. A healthy and strong boy. Over time, my mother-in-law's smart advice became more and more. "Why did you wear a hat? It's hot outside! Look after the child, otherwise it will fall …" - and so on ad infinitum. You can't take a step without caring "I advise you …" or "I would be in your place …" Honestly, I quickly got used to the advice of my beloved mother-in-law, I learned to react to them correctly, and more often not to react at all.

But I still can't get used to teachers of life, experts in appearance, and the best cooks, and I can hardly ever get used to it. The words of the English writer Joseph Addison: " People accept nothing with such disgust as advice."- I think they are absolutely correct.

"You don't need to buy this thing - you have to be more economical. Your husband comes back late - you watch him! In my opinion, you've gotten fat, it's time to lose weight. She's completely pale, you need to eat more …" - and stuff like that, then by the list. Without the advice of experts on all life issues, a step cannot be taken. I wonder why each well-wisher does not stay in his place? Why do people so often like to dive into someone else's life rather than watch their own?

In someone else's eye, as you know, we see a speck, but in our own - we do not notice a log. But it still seems to me that before you advise something to another person, you need to think a hundred times. After all, for many people, advice is a very important part of life, and without them there is simply nowhere!

I have a friend, Alina, who, without the advice of people from the outside, cannot take a step herself. He always takes his girlfriend with him to clothing stores so that she can suggest what is better for her to buy, what color to choose, etc. advised, said his opinion. Until everyone comes to a common conclusion, Alina does not calm down.

This behavior is typical for people who do not have their own opinion. Alina could never buy something, put on, even choose a hairstyle and a new haircut without anyone's advice. What is most surprising, she always blindly trusted them and never tried to argue, which, by the way, once played a cruel joke on her. Having gone to the hairdresser, she, as usual, gathered all the hairdressers, stylists and visitors around her person, asking for advice on how to cut her hair and what color of paint to choose. All gathered, discussed for a long time, each strove to advise something of his own. As a result, my friend left this hairdresser without a new haircut and with a spoiled mood, because the advisers did not agree.

Listening to advice is sometimes helpful. But only sometimes! After all, beloved mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers, grandparents, friends and acquaintances will not advise badly. It just happens very often that you perceive their words as the only correct opinion, which is fundamentally wrong. Listen to the advice, but think for yourself - is this the right decision and is there a better option.

Personally, I almost never give advice unless asked to do so. I believe that this is the correct position, since you should not go into those things that do not concern you. You can only aggravate the situation, and your good intention can be perceived as something said with malicious intent.

However, now almost everyone listens to advice, from mere mortals to celebrities and stars. For example, even Tony and Sherry Blair listen to the opinion of a certain Carol Caplin, who chooses a lipstick for Mrs. Blair and recommends a Japanese massage to Mr. Blair.

But in the case of celebrities, advice and guidance is beneficial rather than harmful. Stylists, makeup artists, nutritionists turn out to be assistants, they not only save time for celebrities and just busy people, but also help to make the right choice.

Imagine that you are a TV presenter of some very popular program (actress, business woman, famous writer …). You always need to look perfect, not only in terms of your figure, hairstyle, but also in terms of clothes and makeup. Of course, at first you will pick up clothes yourself, but not even half a year will pass - and you will have an urgent need for your own stylist and makeup artist. And it's not even that you have bad taste. You just get tired of the constant shopping trips, and sometimes there is no time left for that.

Of course, it's not worth driving yourself to a state of inability to choose a new dress for yourself - just know when to stop! Sometimes it gets ridiculous to see adults on television who need someone to tell them what color to choose lipstick or socks. It turns out that we are completely subordinate to the power of unrecognized authorities.

After all, if I want to cook something new from food, I do not have to consult with an eminent chef, when choosing a new thing - with a fashion connoisseur, and at the first manifestations of a cold in my baby, run to a neighbor who works as a nurse in the nearest clinic. I can solve such questions on my own.

If you have your own taste, a head on your shoulders, a sense of style and time, as well as the ability and desire to try something new, it is not at all necessary to turn to someone for advice. You can try and experiment yourself. The main thing is not to be afraid of anything and listen to yourself first of all. If you are sure that you can cope with this or that task, you will really cope with it.

Well, if really difficult problems and questions arise, go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. In any case, it is better to get advice from highly qualified and educated specialists than from omniscient neighbors. The psychologist will become a mirror for you, help you see yourself in a difficult situation. Moreover, you will find a way out of any situation by changing your own views, attitude to what is happening, thoughts and actions.

" Ask for advice from someone who knows how to win victories over himself , - said Leonardo da Vinci once.

And believe me, if you are used to running for advice all the time, you can get out of this habit - you just have to want to.