How to be happier: a guide to action

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Emotions are charged when we have fun. Psychologist and author of a unique life improvement program Elizaveta Babanova told us how to become a little happier.

Elizabeth, the bulk of our readers are young girls. Tell us how to start your day correctly so that it will definitely be successful?

In order for the day to be successful, you need to start it in the evening. For this I have a few rules:

1. I don't watch or read anything alarming at least 4 hours before bed. What enters our consciousness just before going to bed remains there all night. It is better to completely eliminate all sources of negativity and aggression in the evening, otherwise we will sleep badly, wake up in a broken state and in a bad mood. In principle, I do not watch news, crime or horror films, but a few hours before bedtime I also limit what I read on the Internet.
2. Do something pleasant for the body and emotions. Light walk, stretching or warm bath with scented oils, self-massage with warm oil. Read a good, non-work-related book. Otherwise, the brain will not be able to shut down and will make plans or solve problems all night. And in the morning the head will be stale.
3. Do not drink caffeinated beverages 8 hours in advance and do not eat 3–4 hours before bedtime. If you have a strong appetite before going to bed, you can drink herbal tea with honey or eat a bowl of vegetables.

What morning rituals do you have in your routine?

I have a perfect morning practice. I described it in great detail on the site. But in a nutshell, the goal of practice is to fill my resource. I do this by nourishing the body, emotions and consciousness.

The body is energized primarily from exercise. I either work out in the gym or do yoga at home. Then a contrast shower. It starts good circulation, invigorates and energizes.

Emotions are charged when we have fun. First, I hug my husband for a long time. Even 5 minutes of gentle hugs give a huge surge of hormones of joy. It may sound strange, but I also love to plan the day. Sometimes I dance or play the keyboard to recharge my emotions. If in the morning there is not enough time, then while I am going, I listen to music or lectures of my teachers.

To fill my consciousness, I meditate. 15–20 minutes of deep meditation harmonizes, reminds you of the main values and best of all sets you up for the day ahead.

This is followed by a healthy breakfast that fills the body with bright flavors, warmth and healthy fuel: whole grain porridge (for example, buckwheat or quinoa) in coconut milk with seeds, nuts and berries.

This is my practice for a perfect morning.

Can you be happier if you smile often?

There is such a science, neurophysiology. She proved that the body and emotions are linked through neural connections. We smile most often when we experience a pleasant emotion. That is, usually a smile is a consequence of the fact that we feel pleased.

But scientists have proven that this connection works and vice versa. If we smile, we activate the areas of the brain that are responsible for a good mood. Therefore, yes, if you smile at least for a few minutes a day, your basic emotional background will gradually improve.

For example, I remind myself to smile when I do a difficult exercise in the gym. If, instead of a painful grimace, you accustom yourself to a smile, then the benefits of training will be not only for the body, but also for the mood.

Do you have days when literally everything crumbles out of your hands or do you not allow this?

Naturally, I'm a woman. On days like this, I try to negate important decisions and give myself plenty of rest.

I love to cook something tasty and healthy, walk a lot, read, watch comedies and talk with loved ones who are always ready to support me.

What words should you say to be more confident in yourself and in what you are doing?

To make these words work for you, it's best to choose them individually. But I will guide you on which message should be the main one.

“I accept and love myself for who I am, and at the same time I go every day to a better version of myself.”

Women usually fall into one of two extremes:

• or they do not value themselves, sometimes even humiliate, and believe that they are unworthy of love, happiness, growth, including material growth;
• or they think they are good enough, sit on the couch, relax, and let themselves go.

My approach is to develop a sense of love and acceptance of yourself as real, but strive every day to take a step towards your best version.

And to love yourself, is it really that simple?

This is one of the most difficult tasks for a woman. We often see that a woman is ready to love and take care of everyone except herself. But without love for yourself, love for other people is just a way to fill the void within yourself.

So we risk becoming addicted and staying at a broken trough, if suddenly our love is not appreciated and reciprocated.

Many of us constantly blame ourselves for something: for not eating a bun on time, for unfulfilled work, for skipping the gym. How to stop torturing yourself?

I live by the 80/20 rule:

• 80% of healthy food and 20% of everything you want;
• 80% discipline, 20% flow.

If you do what is not useful 20% of the time, then everything is ok. You consciously create rules for yourself, under which breaking them is part of life.

If, on the contrary, 80% of the time you overeat, do not complete your work on time, and lie on the couch, then good conditions and results will not come to life.

Do you know what is most interesting? When we allow ourselves to be imperfect and even put this principle into life, tension goes away. And 80/20 becomes 90/10, and then 95/5. And all because we act without violence against ourselves and accept our sudden desires and weaknesses.

How to start changing yourself?

Understanding why I want to change myself at all? If we don't have a good reason to change, nothing will work out.

That is why it is easier for women to lose weight for the wedding, and it is easier for a man to earn money when his beloved woman becomes pregnant.

At this point, the winning rate rises. We all need a prize for change, and that prize should be big.

We must also realize the punishment that awaits us if we stop developing. For some, punishment is:

• boring, low-paid job;
• divorce from a once loved one;
• loss of figure and high blood pressure due to bad habits.

About 10 years ago, I had an accident that showed my bet. Life itself became it. I realized that I can create a bright and outstanding destiny. And if I am lazy, justify my inaction with complexes, instead of working on myself, if I humble myself and agree to less, then the punishment will be a gray and mediocre fate. But what kind of destiny to create - depends only on me.

Should you listen to your friends' advice?

It depends on what kind of relationship you have and who your friends are. Here are my filters for such tips.

Filter No. 1

If my friend has better results than me in some area, I study what she does differently. For example, three of my close friends are more successful than me in 3 different areas: one in marketing, one in writing, and one in wellness.

I gratefully listen to their advice on how to develop in these three directions.

Filter No. 2

The second thing to always consider is whether your friend's advice is in line with your moral standards.

That is, if someone is richer than you just because she makes money by cheating, then this will be a bad advisor. Sooner or later, money received by immoral means will be lost.

I am lucky, all my close friends today are highly moral people. But this was not always the case, and when in my youth I followed not entirely moral advice, then I always got hit on the head from life.

Filter No. 3

Does my friend wish me well? Again, I'm confident in my girlfriends, but not all women have a reliable source of support. Only if the friend is acting in your best interests will her advice help you.

In any case, always include mindfulness and take responsibility for yourself, even when following another person's advice. Only the result will show how much it works for you. If your results improve, apply the advice further. If not, look for another solution.

Is it worth listening to the advice of your husband or boyfriend?

Of course, if they match the same filters above. In general, if in a couple people do not respect the advice and do not listen to each other, there can be no happy long-term relationship.

It turns out that changing yourself and discovering yourself from a new, better side is not so difficult, the main thing is to take the first step?

In fact, this is not entirely true. If it were so easy to change ourselves, we would all have a model figure, we would have billions of dollars, perfect marital relationships, many beautiful children and some cool hobbies. And all at the same time.

Changing is difficult, which is why we need support. Mentors, like-minded people, the right partner who helps us discover the best version, rather than sabotaging our attempts to change.

We need to understand the reason why we want to get better and strive for a cool prize. And we need a strategy that is guaranteed to yield results.

I do not believe that you can change once and for all by reading 1 article or going to 1 training. In my experience, sustainable change is the result of a gradual effort without overstraining. With a thrill from the very process of change. This is what I teach in my master class “How to change everything in your life for the better in 1 year”.

And I gladly give access to it to your readers.

Elizaveta Babanova is a popular female psychologist, entrepreneur, author of the "System of Spherical Development" project.

Site: elizavetababanova.com

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