One day as a husband

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

- - shouted my husband, hanging from the balcony. I slapped myself on the forehead, reproaching for constant absent-mindedness, and demanded to throw off my forgotten things. The husband fussed, ran around the apartment, every minute jumping out onto the balcony with soothing cries, gathered everything into one bundle, aimed for a long time, then awkwardly swung and threw"

Having driven out onto the avenue, I famously cut off the "opelenka" rushing along the road, driven by a mustachioed man with a stupid expression on his face, and contemptuously muttered the well-known saying about "a man behind the wheel". After the next traffic light, I was overtaken by some idiot, which greatly offended my pride and made me turn on the gas. For a while we walked as if glued, but after three kilometers I "made" it, which I announced to the reckless driver with an accessible gesture. Pleased with myself, I dashingly turned around on the lawn, parked, took two places at once in the parking lot in the yard and ran up the stairs.

I went into the office, greeting the employees on the way and, noting the blooming appearance of her secretary, encouragingly pinched him on the filet. She demanded a cup of coffee, looked through business correspondence, read the Sport-Express and Finance newsletters with interest, made a couple of calls and made several appointments, asked the secretary to prepare the necessary documents, made corrections in them and sent them back for revision. It's lunch time! I relaxed stretching and called Vika from a nearby office. Today it is her turn to choose a dinner place.

Having ordered potato salad, borscht, pork ribs and beer, we discussed the troubles with customs clearance of Lelka's new car, talked about new models of mobile phones, hotly discussed the last game of Spartak and Milka's new young lover, and switched to families and husbands.

Vika boasted that her faithful waited every evening when she would call and say that she was going, they say, it was time to warm up dinner. And he cooks! You will download! True, she whines if she, Vika, lingers with her friends in some tavern or bathhouse, and even constantly demands to take him somewhere: it's boring to sit at home. So she takes him out periodically to the theater, then to a restaurant, then just give him money so that he can go and have fun with friends.

In turn, I told about my bungler: every evening, tired from work comes running and let's complain about the authorities that they, the authorities do not appreciate him! And when I say “quit your job and better stay at home, and I’ll give you this money”, he takes offense and says that I don’t understand him, but he wants to feel necessary. Strange. He's actually nothing, only he hangs on the phone for hours and does not remember how to properly turn off the computer. Well, what can you do - a man! And from time to time, some kind of whim finds him: put on new swimming trunks, make a haircut at the hairdresser, put candles around the bed, turn on the music and dance in front of me, and at the same time sigh, groan and shoot with his eyes. And if then I don't start squeezing him in my arms and ripping off his clothes, turns to the wall, sobs and sulks then all morning, says that he will not say anything about what happened, and in the end, categorically declares that I do not love him and do not want, and that I got another one. He calms down only after I come home with flowers and a bottle of wine, and instead of lounging on the couch with the newspaper or listening to the news on the night, I take him out for dinner and a dance.

Vika and I look at each other sympathetically, chuckle in bewilderment and come to the conclusion that "they are strange, these men"! Having made this conclusion, we pay for lunch, and go to the offices.

Further, the working day lasts as usual: papers, meetings, calls, a brainwash for the programmer (and he has an attractive figure, damn it, can invite him to dinner ?!).

In the evening, Lelka calls and says that "everything has grown together with customs clearance" and that today "she washes the car" and invites me too. I doubt for a minute, remembering that I promised the faithful to go with him to visit the Petrykins, but in the end I promise Lelka to come by eight. I call my bunny and inform him that I am late at work and will come to the Petrykins later, let him go without me. And if I don’t come, then I’ll call. Yes, of course, I'll meet him anyway, because it's not safe to walk in the evening. Yes, I had lunch. Yes, I will try to come to the Petrykins. Well, naturally, sober!

I hang up, get dressed, leave the office, wink goodbye at the cutie secretary, run down the steps and breathe deeply: This is a woman's world!