How to stop being jealous of your girlfriends

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

In an ideal view, friendship implies complete mutual understanding and disinterested willingness to come to the rescue at any time. We call a friend at two o'clock in the morning, cry, ask them to come and, sitting in the kitchen over a cup of tea, tell the sleepy "savior" that our loved one has left us. She yawns but listens. This is how we see real friendship, and we are ready the next time when a friend needs help, just come, no matter how late the clock shows. However, even in the purest barrel of honey, you can find a drop of tar that spoils everything. In female friendship, envy, as a rule, acts as this drop.

It is pointless to refuse - almost each of us is jealous of his girlfriend. And, what is funny, one is jealous of the other, believing that she is more beautiful, more successful and more attractive to men, and the second will surely find a reason for the envy of the first. This is how we are arranged - we always want to get what we think is better from a friend than from us.

There is an opinion that girls are taught to envy girlfriends in childhood. Not that on purpose, but they teach, repeating from time to time: "Look how good Anya is: she gets A's, she helps her mother, she plays with her younger brother." Mom does this with the best of intentions: she thinks that by giving her daughter a real example to look up to, she will achieve A's and help around the house. However, it turns out that now the girl wants to overtake Anya, but not at all because of a desire to become an excellent pupil, but only because she envies her success. Against this background, nervousness and unpleasant feelings appear for a friend, who is set as an example.

As girls grow up, there are more reasons for envy: from crowds of fans to one single loved one, from career advancement to being able to stay at home and live off her husband.

“You’re happy - you can afford to do nothing, but I’m spinning like a squirrel in a wheel” - sounds harmless, but in the soul of an envious friend at this moment terrible thoughts fly by: “And why does all the good go to her? Sits at home, lounges, only walks to beauty salons. And I go to work in the morning, home in the evening, dishes, linen, cleaning! Not fair! And she does not know how to behave - she seems to be sincerely friendly, but at the same time envies. Maybe this is not friendship at all? Maybe all this is a lie? Doubt tears to pieces, and a smile on her face - it will never show that she is jealous.

This feeling really destroys a person, and his irritability, in the end, can become a reason for breaking up a relationship. Is it possible to stop being jealous of your friend and start to truly enjoy her success, without thinking that you deserve them and not her? Here are some tips to help you.

Stop evaluating your progress through the opinions of others

Often, friends are jealous of those who are used to assessing their successes and achievements according to the criteria “envy - do not envy”. That is, for such people, the main indicator that they have done something well is admiration, even if not entirely sincere, from the outside. As a rule, one's own value system does not work in such cases. The only important thing is what others say about you, and, most importantly, how they say - if with a tinge "I would like that", then in general everything is fine. That is why envy for them becomes so familiar that it is transferred to the closest people.

When evaluating how well you did something, try not to rely on the opinions of others.

First of all, reconsider your attitude to your own successes, achievements and successes. When assessing how well you did something, try not to rely on the opinions of others, relate the situation to the internal value system and be guided only by it.

Don't compare yourself to your girlfriend

Let her be a long-legged beauty, conquering men at first sight. But you are unlikely to know if she needs this attention. Perhaps she secretly dreams of a clean relationship with her beloved husband, in which you have been for several years. In addition, constantly comparing yourself with another person, you seem to be trying to "try on" his appearance, demeanor, position in society - in general, his whole life, meanwhile missing your own.

Enjoy your successes, not other people's failures

What a sin to conceal: if we envy a friend's success, then her failure will cause us mixed feelings - from the desire to console to gloating, which we ourselves are afraid to admit to ourselves. But is this not an indicator of insincerity in a relationship? Do you really wish your friend all sorts of bad luck? Switch from negative thoughts to positive ones, and the latter should relate specifically to you. Always pay attention to your achievements and successes and really enjoy them. This approach has a double benefit: firstly, you will see that you are also capable of being better at something, and secondly, you will start living your own life, not the life of a friend.

If we envy a friend's success, then her failure will cause us mixed feelings - from the desire to console to gloating.

See your friend not as an object of envy, but as a teacher

If you envy her slenderness, then it is not at all necessary to hate your friend for being fuller. She's not to blame for that. By her example, she only gave you an incentive to become even better. Treat it this way: a friend is your teacher, as soon as you understand that you envy her in something, it means that this is what you lack in life. Think and figure it out - is it really worth changing something now in order to get what you want, or does the situation resemble the behavior of a child in a sandbox, who saw that another toddler has better toys?

This is easier said than done, of course. But if you don't talk about it, then you won't be able to do anything. To get rid of envy, you need to realize this envy, to admit to yourself that you want to get what your friend has. As soon as you do this, half of the wishlist will disappear by itself, you will see, and the other half will be easy to "treat" with the help of our advice.