Pregnancy unexpectedly

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Oh, how many wonderful books have been written about motherhood, how many touching films have been shot, how many songs have been sung … A pregnant woman, a sturdy toddler - all this cannot but evoke affection, and every woman sooner or later strives to realize herself as a mother. While still a girl, she dreams of growing up, getting married, giving birth to a baby. And only as an adult, the girl learns that pregnancy is not always desirable …

“It was some kind of nightmare!” Ira says, “I only get acquainted with Igor after the divorce, at one of the parties. more! No love, not even falling in love, it's just nice to spend time together. After the divorce, this was it: a non-binding relationship without continuation. But the continuation happened. After a month and a half of such meetings pregnancy unexpectedly I was caught, one might say, by surprise, and when I was offered a job that I had dreamed of for six months. The situation is, as they say, help. I still remember how I roared over a test with two strips, it seemed that life had stopped, and then only troubles awaited me … I had to do something urgently, because pregnancy is not a problem that resolves itself. And I didn't know what exactly to do! Igor was as shocked as I was. He closed himself off, unintelligibly advised her to make a decision herself and promised to support in any case … I will not hide that I thought about one thing - about an abortion. And it was disgusting, the very thought seemed to be a betrayal in relation to myself and the child … And on the other hand, Igor and I were absolutely unprepared for parenthood, family with each other, a new job, prospects … Everything ended well: I did not have an abortion, I could not, and thank God. We lived with Igor for 3 years and parted. I can't say that it was generally right to live together when it is clear from the very beginning: nothing will come of it. But we tried it. They swore like crazy until they dispersed. Now he comes to us once a week, we again communicate on a "friendly footing", and all three have benefited from this. I am happy that I have a daughter, I love her and do not have a soul in her, and I am even afraid to think that everything could have turned out differently …"

Pregnancy, as Ira aptly put it, does not dissolve by itself. And if it is undesirable, then the couple has to go through several difficult stages: shock, stress, the stage of rejection of the child (during this period it is decided whether he will live or not), and, finally, acceptance of his own new "position".

In fairness, we note that even those couples who deliberately planned to replenish the family experience shock and stress. This is natural, the coming changes promise to turn the whole future life of future parents upside down, it will never be the same again, and it takes time to realize this. But after …

We women

Emotional creatures, this is our trump card, plus, an integral part of nature, merit, dignity … But there are times when something else is required: the need to respond quickly and adequately, and if it is also pregnancy unexpectedly coming.

Pregnancy is probably one of those important conditions when you need to act instantly. After all, every day the baby inside experiences the same as his mother. And if a mother cannot understand in any way whether she wants to be one or not, suffers and anathematizes everything and everyone around, the baby takes all this negative at his own expense. Here you don't even need to go into a special metaphysics, it is enough to imagine what kind of "chemistry of misfortune" is transmitted to him from his mother along with nutrients and oxygen.

Therefore, once in a "help situation", the main thing is not to decide whether to leave the child or not, but to solve this dilemma as soon as possible. After all, several weeks of staying between "heaven and earth", while a woman rushes from the decision to have an abortion to "how am I you, my blood …" - this is hell not only for her, but also for the fetus. In this situation, emotions are not constructive, they make you doubt, fear, suffer, and do not lead to anything but hassle.

The greatest concern during this period is caused by fears! They multiply like mushrooms after a rain, and lead to a hysterical state, when there is no time for common sense, decisions and everything else. It's just scary and that's it! Consciousness waves its handle goodbye and turns off for a while.

Zhanna says: “I was afraid of everything. That my husband would leave me, that I would be fired from my job. what I was scared of, you can't list everything. I behaved absolutely inadequately. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, until I realized that a little more, and I would go crazy …"

In this situation, the good old psychological method will help: take a piece of paper and describe everything that bothers you. If you are an auditor (a person who is more comfortable listening to everything), speak your fears out loud.

They wrote point by point "I'm scared because …", then try to analyze your feelings. First, it's not so scary anymore, is it? Secondly, you will be able to take a sober look at the situation and see that most of the fears are far-fetched, this is a kind of protest of the old familiar life against changes (for example, fears in the spirit of "how will I tell my husband about this (mom, dad, grandmother, bosses …) ". Well, they won't kill you in the end!). Third, in front of each "nightmare", try to write a rough plan of action. For example, "warn the doctor that I smoke and undergo the necessary examinations."

And at the end of this self-exploration - the advantages that you will get if you leave the child, and if you have an abortion. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and understand that nothing SCARY has happened, and will not happen, no matter what decision you come to! And with our emotions, tantrums and depression, we only harm, and not only ourselves.

If a woman decides to have an abortion, no one has the right to blame her. All the talk about the need to protect the unborn life by means of social pressure on a pregnant woman - they seem inhumane to me. I think I will not be wrong if I say that an abortion is most often a hard-won decision, that they do not go for it "from a good life" and are guided by specific reasons. It is inhumane in this situation to put on the scales the life of an adult, a mature person and the life of an unborn being. Is it better if a woman, under pressure, and not out of an inner need, gives new life to humanity, gives birth, and then regrets it? If there is a choice, which is better: one happy life or two unhappy ones, and that's the only way?

If the parents (or one mother) decide to leave the baby:

Great, great, well done! Now we breathed in deeply and exhaled all the unpleasant thoughts that swarmed in my head for the last few days (weeks). Calm down, mommy, from now on we are introducing a taboo on nerves, psychos and other non-constructive things. The first thing that is desirable to do is to hug your absent tummy and tell the little man hiding there (now it is no longer a fruit) about how he is loved and expected. He will be protected, he will be taken care of. And then along the knurled one: women's consultation, "Woman, get on the scales", tears of emotion on an ultrasound scan, "Eat cottage cheese, honey, you need calcium", it's time to buy new clothes, come up with a name for the baby (male and female), choose a maternity hospital, and "Mom, it's begun !!!" …

It is also necessary to accept the fact that for the next 2-3 years your life priorities will be radically shifted towards children's interests. Then there will be no hysterics about the "stopped life" and everything else. Life does not stop, it turned onto the next path, where there are new tasks, goals and circumstances.

Who said it was bad ?! Sometimes such pregnancy unexpectedly the new one changes our life for the better !!!